<![CDATA[Dating Disasters Board]]>

<![CDATA[Dating Disasters Board]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com 60 Wed, 16 May 2012 14:13:50 GMT <![CDATA[burned...]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=4637542
My dating disaster wasn't so much a disaster with the date, more what happened after. I dated a very fine girl I met online. This was our second date, and I had drover her home afterwards. So after chatting for a while in her flat I bid farewell and left to wander down to my car.

So this is where things start to go wrong...I've left the car parked in a secure parking place in her apartment blocks' car park. So far so good. As I'm coming upto my car I hear the radiator fan going. Now that's odd as one, I didn't drive it very far, two I was inside for quite some time so it would have surely cooled down and three it wasn't particularly warm (being as I'm in the north of the UK which is not exactly known for those shorts and bikini's weather).

It's night so I aproach cautiously as I can't see all that well, and sure enough there's a discolouration in the metal work of the bonnet. Crap! I stick my hand out above the bonnet careful not to touch as I have a hunch. I was right, it was warm. Turns out I'd had an electrical fire, as I found out afterwards. Of course I didn't know it at the time so I pretty freaked, not knowing much about cars. I knock back on my dates door, she lets me in a little surprised. I explain what's happened. I call the AA (I think you call it AAA in USA) and they tow my car. Humiliated I grab a lift home from my date, who then pormptly dumps me the next time we meet. So I'm out one car and one hot lady-friend.

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=4637542 Sat, 20 Mar 2010 19:19:12 GMT <![CDATA[Help us with our dating book!]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=4398151 Hi Ladies, Have you ever been on a bad date? I mean a truly awful date, one that’s so bad it’s comical, a date where you reach a level of discomfort you never even knew existed? Have you ever been roped into “stopping by” a guy’s apartment after date one, only for you to find it lit up with candles and completely prepared for your arrival? What about one-night stands? Has a new friend ever asked you, in the middle of sex, to be his girlfriend? Or called out, “I like this game!”? If so, we want to hear from you! We’re collecting short stories of dates and one-night stands gone wrong for a book project, and we need your help! Our goal is to compose a book about dating issues, particularly blind dates and online dates, and how to take them in stride and move along. The message is simple: Sometimes guys can be just as crazy, if not crazier, than girls! Here are some guidelines to give you an idea of what we’re looking for: *Stories should be short and punchy, no more than a couple pages. *You don’t have to be a writer—we’re also happy to interview you and write the stories ourselves. *Make us laugh! Think “He’s Just Not That Into You” meets Carrie Bradshaw, only without the lovey-dovey, sappy stuff. Please get in touch with any material you might have. Tell your friends, your friends’ friends, your moms, your sisters, any female you know, to get in touch with us with their stories and questions! We look forward to the laughs! PLEASE EMAIL datinghorrors@gmail.com.]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=4398151 Mon, 25 Jan 2010 00:53:21 GMT <![CDATA[Back from Trip and Photos]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=2119928
For anyone interested, great photos from the trip on my blog, here:

http://didyoustoptothink.blogspot.com/2007/08/its-important-because-its-there.html

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=2119928 Wed, 29 Aug 2007 20:30:31 GMT <![CDATA[dog date]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1964084 My weird dating story happened when I was using a dating hookup service. They hooked me up with a gentleman who had alopecia (no body hair). Being a Doctor, that really wasn't an issue and for our 'date' we decided to take my dog on a walk in a forest preserve. Very safe, no expectations. However my dog had other ideas. My dog was a very big yellow labrador, about 130 lbs, and we were all crammed into his Jeep. Kip (my dog) sat behind my date, on the small backseat and proceeded to lick his (bald) head on the drive to the forest preserve. Not just little puppy kisses, but full out wet slobbery ones. I kept trying to get him to stop, but for whatever reason he couldn't get enough of this man's head. Needless to say, I opt for restaurants for a first date anymore.

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1964084 Mon, 18 Jun 2007 02:35:33 GMT <![CDATA[at least i didnt go to jail]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1932331 well, its a first date story and a last date story. back when i was 18 i briefly dated ( 1 date) a guy my age. we had known each other since elementary school and decided to give the dating thing a try. anywyas, he had his own apartment with a pretty nice lawn in front of the building. i'm from the south so everything has a lawn. before sunset one day, we set out a blanket and decided to sit outside until the stars came out. well, being friends, we always took the chance to playfully push and shove a little here and there. eventually we started to tussle and roll around but it was all out of passion. toobad his neighbors didnt think the same thing. next thing we know, the police show up and put both of in handcuffs. turns out the neighbors thought we were fighting and called the police to break up a domestic argument. after some convincing, we were both released and thank god no charges were filed. needless to say, my brief beau and i havent spoken to each toher since then and i'm 24 now. but i id learn that if i felt like wrestling with a boyfriend, to keep it behind closed doors, preferably the bedroom

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1932331 Sat, 02 Jun 2007 16:13:46 GMT <![CDATA[The book]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1890055
Several things I've learned or knew from before, but explained in different ways, to make them make more sense...ie. Actions speak louder than words. We've all heard that words are a small percentage of communication, but for what ever reason, this made it resonate with me even more.

My dating disaster: that I don't have enough dates. Ummm...don't say that she looks like this other girl you like...duh.
]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1890055 Sat, 12 May 2007 17:11:38 GMT <![CDATA[Physically hit]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1727195 I asked this hunk out on a date the day before at the shooting range poetry reading. He said yes before delivering his sonnet on the new King Cobra .357:

"How shall I compare thee to a .44?"

Anyway, he knocked at my door, and I opened it to find him there holding a bouquet of black roses. He said, "Baby, you're looking fabulous tonight." Then he pulled his new Smith & Wesson snub-nose and shot me in the face; actually, the bullet just ripped my right ear off. I fell down, gushing red. He kicked me in the face over and over. He screamed at me for not hitting all the targets at the firing range. When I looked up, he had gotten into his '95 Mustang and had driven off.

Can anyone help me here because I really want to ask him out again.

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1727195 Mon, 26 Feb 2007 03:29:50 GMT <![CDATA[She has done some things she's not proud of]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1706467
When I get to dinner, my religious Co-Worker and his wife tell me they also invited a single woman my age. I kind of knew it was a set-up going in, and I was not really in any condition to date, but I pushed forward to be polite.

The woman shows up and she is very attractive, also attractive enough to get my mind off my Ex, and I start to have some energy again. She orders a Gin & Tonic, gulps it down, then orders another and gulps that on down to battle her nervousness. I found that HOT, and I the old Shawn started to come back to life.

This young lady joins us, and I am suddenly that guy I remember before the Two Year Relationship. I am charismatic, funny, and I am in total control.

As my Co-Worker and his wife excuse their self to give us some privacy, this stunning blond opens up and tells me that she got divorced a year ago, and that she had a tough time of it.

She orders two more Gin & Tonics, then tells me about how she coped with the breakup, and did stuff, "She was not proud of."

So like an idiot, I responded, "Like what?"

Now that she had four stiff drinks, she admitted to going downtown into Chicago and just sleeping with different men to get back at her Ex. One guy introduced her to Marijuana, and she started dating him for the free Weed. Then she met a guy with introduced her to cocaine, and she dated that guy for a while, and even slept with his friends.

Again, I have just known her for Twenty Minutes.

The lady then told me she knew she had a drug problem when two guys were having sex with her at once and all she could think about was "the blow they would have to give her for that."

About that time my religious co-worker and his wife came back to the table and asked how we were getting along. That's when my Co-Worker told me they had known this lady from their church, and she had been baby-sitting their two daughters for the past few years.

The girl was drunk out of her mind, the waiter cut her off, and then she got mad and left, after bumping her car into my company vehicle.

That is the day I promised myself that I would never let another good woman go.

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1706467 Fri, 16 Feb 2007 06:05:29 GMT <![CDATA[Toy Soldiers]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1690689 I went on a first date w/a guy. I picked him up from his place. He said he wanted me to come in and see his toy soldier collection. Okay...

I went in, against better judgment, and he had all this toy soldiers. He then did voices w/them! "Hello, how are you? I'm Major Datsun."

Oh my God! Where do these people come from????

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1690689 Fri, 09 Feb 2007 00:27:48 GMT <![CDATA[Ask Out and Media]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1660832

Also, since my book sponsors the site, I have to mention that I will be in Chicago Crain's Business the week of Jan. 29 issue, featured at least in-part in a dating article. Huh... not sure the light I'll be in but I had fun doing the interview, the journalist was very cool.

WGN Morning News - Jan. 30 at 7:50 and 8:50AM. This airs nationally, so some good coverage and should be fun.

WASSUP Magazine - Feb issue debuts my new dating column in this smaller magazine, "Lunch is Not a Date," which I hope to syndicate. The magazine is found throughout Chicago and Northern Illinois and is free. Kari Payne is my expert for this first article...

That's it. Play hard and have a good wknd.

-Ian

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1660832 Fri, 26 Jan 2007 21:38:28 GMT <![CDATA[Toothless]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1497863 I monitor my kids Internet access and found some of them visited this site. I am divorced, lost my teeth prematurely at 55, and nearly completely bald. Still, I went on my first date since being married a year ago. Everything went great despite my nerves until I discovered I had left my dentures on the sink after a trip to the bathroom. I returned before my date noticed but was unable to find them. I discovered her five-year-old playing with them in the hall.

There, that ought to keep my 14 year old from visiting this site again. If you do, I'll provide my full name and yours. Although, this is a nifty idea. Just a little too old for some of my children.

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1497863 Tue, 07 Nov 2006 00:07:31 GMT <![CDATA[Branded]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1492063 I once hooked up w/a farmer's hot little daughter. She was 16, I was 18, technically not good, if you get my drift. (Staturay rape) Her father was a nut job. He caught me doing her doggy-style in the barn and chased me around w/a branding iron. I was scared to death. Fucker caught me and left a nice scar on my back. In the end, I agreed not to have him arrested and he agreed not to report the "rape".

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1492063 Fri, 03 Nov 2006 22:32:57 GMT <![CDATA[So Sweet...]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1488082 After what I now know was a one night stand, I wanted to seek a little revenge on the plumber. Yes a plumber. I saw his truck parked along side of the road on the job site and thought I would teach him a lesson. I very simply popped the hood of his truck, took a lead pencil and made heavy lines on the metal part of the distributor. Hey it was the 90's very easy to under the hood. Since the graphite in the pencil is a better conductor then the metal in the spark plugs his truck would not start. I have this great image of him pissed off, screaming at the truck because it would not start. CRANK, CRANK Ha-Ha! It sat there for a couple days never moving. Once when I pasted by it a mechanic was looking at the truck and could not figure out why it would not start. The next day I took and removed the pencil marks with a little WD-40.

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1488082 Thu, 02 Nov 2006 06:16:43 GMT <![CDATA[Purpose of Board, D'oh!]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1462347 I realized today I forgot to mention the purpose of this board. I recently completed a book which just came out (finally!) on dating disasters (which are all really funny) and some celebrity stories, and what I learned from those stories to then be successful in future situations (i.e. advice). (I'm a standup comedian, so the celebrity stories are mostly comedians, like Drew Carey, etc.)

So many people tell me "I have a bunch of dating disasters for ya!" I thought, "What the hell? Let 'em tell the stories on a message board. Why should I be the only one to get to vent?" And walah, here is the board.

So, feel free to post away, whatever. Good luck w/the dating!

-Ian

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1462347 Sat, 21 Oct 2006 21:55:36 GMT <![CDATA[Booger Boy]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1462021 I'm too embarrassed to even mention my name on this; plus, I don't want to scare women away!

I have some bad allergies that really act up bad now and again. Once I was getting lucky with a first date. We had just gotten completely undressed and I was kissing her neck (I was on top) when I felt this... well, nasal problem, shall we say? I tried to pull away to get a kleenex near the bed, but she kept holding my head to her every time I tried. I finally had to force her hands away from my head and pulled away for a kleenex. Too late. This long, endless piece of snot ran from my nose down onto her... we'll say stomach but it was higher than that... yeah, it hit the twins. She shrieked, jumped up, got dressed and left. She never returned any of my calls. So close!

]]> http://datingdisastersboard.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=1462021 Sat, 21 Oct 2006 18:15:06 GMT