Dating Disasters Board

Back from Trip and Photos

Ian — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 20:30:31 GMT

I have returned from my two week vacation and finally finished going through my emails. Man, there were tons! Thanks to those for who tookover board monitoring while I was gone.

For anyone interested, great photos from the trip on my blog, here:

http://didyoustoptothink.blogspot.com/2007/08/its-important-because-its-there.html

dog date

Anne — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 02:35:33 GMT

My weird dating story happened when I was using a dating hookup service. They hooked me up with a gentleman who had alopecia (no body hair). Being a Doctor, that really wasn't an issue and for our 'date' we decided to take my dog on a walk in a forest preserve. Very safe, no expectations. However my dog had other ideas. My dog was a very big yellow labrador, about 130 lbs, and we were all crammed into his Jeep. Kip (my dog) sat behind my date, on the small backseat and proceeded to lick his (bald) head on the drive to the forest preserve. Not just little puppy kisses, but full out wet slobbery ones. I kept trying to get him to stop, but for whatever reason he couldn't get enough of this man's head. Needless to say, I opt for restaurants for a first date anymore.

at least i didnt go to jail

MB — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 16:13:46 GMT

well, its a first date story and a last date story. back when i was 18 i briefly dated ( 1 date) a guy my age. we had known each other since elementary school and decided to give the dating thing a try. anywyas, he had his own apartment with a pretty nice lawn in front of the building. i'm from the south so everything has a lawn. before sunset one day, we set out a blanket and decided to sit outside until the stars came out. well, being friends, we always took the chance to playfully push and shove a little here and there. eventually we started to tussle and roll around but it was all out of passion. toobad his neighbors didnt think the same thing. next thing we know, the police show up and put both of in handcuffs. turns out the neighbors thought we were fighting and called the police to break up a domestic argument. after some convincing, we were both released and thank god no charges were filed. needless to say, my brief beau and i havent spoken to each toher since then and i'm 24 now. but i id learn that if i felt like wrestling with a boyfriend, to keep it behind closed doors, preferably the bedroom

The book

Kaneda — Sat, 12 May 2007 17:11:38 GMT

Just wanted to say your book is GREAT Ian! I just finished reading it. My friend jokingly called it my bible because I was raving about it so much. Lots of insightful info for guys. But practical.

Several things I've learned or knew from before, but explained in different ways, to make them make more sense...ie. Actions speak louder than words. We've all heard that words are a small percentage of communication, but for what ever reason, this made it resonate with me even more.

My dating disaster: that I don't have enough dates. Ummm...don't say that she looks like this other girl you like...duh.

Physically hit

Deserva — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 03:29:50 GMT

I asked this hunk out on a date the day before at the shooting range poetry reading. He said yes before delivering his sonnet on the new King Cobra .357:

"How shall I compare thee to a .44?"

Anyway, he knocked at my door, and I opened it to find him there holding a bouquet of black roses. He said, "Baby, you're looking fabulous tonight." Then he pulled his new Smith & Wesson snub-nose and shot me in the face; actually, the bullet just ripped my right ear off. I fell down, gushing red. He kicked me in the face over and over. He screamed at me for not hitting all the targets at the firing range. When I looked up, he had gotten into his '95 Mustang and had driven off.

Can anyone help me here because I really want to ask him out again.

She has done some things she's not proud of

Shawn — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 06:05:29 GMT

So I am three weeks out of a Two Year Relationship with a very emotion breakup, and I was having very serious second thoughts about breaking up with my Ex. Since my Ex and I were no longer talking, a very religious person I work with invites me to dinner in order to distract me from my depression.

When I get to dinner, my religious Co-Worker and his wife tell me they also invited a single woman my age. I kind of knew it was a set-up going in, and I was not really in any condition to date, but I pushed forward to be polite.

The woman shows up and she is very attractive, also attractive enough to get my mind off my Ex, and I start to have some energy again. She orders a Gin & Tonic, gulps it down, then orders another and gulps that on down to battle her nervousness. I found that HOT, and I the old Shawn started to come back to life.

This young lady joins us, and I am suddenly that guy I remember before the Two Year Relationship. I am charismatic, funny, and I am in total control.

As my Co-Worker and his wife excuse their self to give us some privacy, this stunning blond opens up and tells me that she got divorced a year ago, and that she had a tough time of it.

She orders two more Gin & Tonics, then tells me about how she coped with the breakup, and did stuff, "She was not proud of."

So like an idiot, I responded, "Like what?"

Now that she had four stiff drinks, she admitted to going downtown into Chicago and just sleeping with different men to get back at her Ex. One guy introduced her to Marijuana, and she started dating him for the free Weed. Then she met a guy with introduced her to cocaine, and she dated that guy for a while, and even slept with his friends.

Again, I have just known her for Twenty Minutes.

The lady then told me she knew she had a drug problem when two guys were having sex with her at once and all she could think about was "the blow they would have to give her for that."

About that time my religious co-worker and his wife came back to the table and asked how we were getting along. That's when my Co-Worker told me they had known this lady from their church, and she had been baby-sitting their two daughters for the past few years.

The girl was drunk out of her mind, the waiter cut her off, and then she got mad and left, after bumping her car into my company vehicle.

That is the day I promised myself that I would never let another good woman go.

Toy Soldiers

Anon — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 00:27:48 GMT

I went on a first date w/a guy. I picked him up from his place. He said he wanted me to come in and see his toy soldier collection. Okay...

I went in, against better judgment, and he had all this toy soldiers. He then did voices w/them! "Hello, how are you? I'm Major Datsun."

Oh my God! Where do these people come from????

Ask Out and Media

Ian — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 21:38:28 GMT

I've had people ask if they can use this board to ask people out. Nope. This is not a dating site in any way, shape, or form, so please don't. Thanks.

Also, since my book sponsors the site, I have to mention that I will be in Chicago Crain's Business the week of Jan. 29 issue, featured at least in-part in a dating article. Huh... not sure the light I'll be in but I had fun doing the interview, the journalist was very cool.

WGN Morning News - Jan. 30 at 7:50 and 8:50AM. This airs nationally, so some good coverage and should be fun.

WASSUP Magazine - Feb issue debuts my new dating column in this smaller magazine, "Lunch is Not a Date," which I hope to syndicate. The magazine is found throughout Chicago and Northern Illinois and is free. Kari Payne is my expert for this first article...

That's it. Play hard and have a good wknd.

-Ian

Toothless

Bill — Tue, 07 Nov 2006 00:07:31 GMT

I monitor my kids Internet access and found some of them visited this site. I am divorced, lost my teeth prematurely at 55, and nearly completely bald. Still, I went on my first date since being married a year ago. Everything went great despite my nerves until I discovered I had left my dentures on the sink after a trip to the bathroom. I returned before my date noticed but was unable to find them. I discovered her five-year-old playing with them in the hall.

There, that ought to keep my 14 year old from visiting this site again. If you do, I'll provide my full name and yours. Although, this is a nifty idea. Just a little too old for some of my children.

Branded

Branded — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 22:32:57 GMT

I once hooked up w/a farmer's hot little daughter. She was 16, I was 18, technically not good, if you get my drift. (Staturay rape) Her father was a nut job. He caught me doing her doggy-style in the barn and chased me around w/a branding iron. I was scared to death. Fucker caught me and left a nice scar on my back. In the end, I agreed not to have him arrested and he agreed not to report the "rape".

So Sweet...

KP — Thur, 02 Nov 2006 06:16:43 GMT

After what I now know was a one night stand, I wanted to seek a little revenge on the plumber. Yes a plumber. I saw his truck parked along side of the road on the job site and thought I would teach him a lesson. I very simply popped the hood of his truck, took a lead pencil and made heavy lines on the metal part of the distributor. Hey it was the 90's very easy to under the hood. Since the graphite in the pencil is a better conductor then the metal in the spark plugs his truck would not start. I have this great image of him pissed off, screaming at the truck because it would not start. CRANK, CRANK Ha-Ha! It sat there for a couple days never moving. Once when I pasted by it a mechanic was looking at the truck and could not figure out why it would not start. The next day I took and removed the pencil marks with a little WD-40.

Purpose of Board, D'oh!

Ian — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 21:55:36 GMT

I realized today I forgot to mention the purpose of this board. I recently completed a book which just came out (finally!) on dating disasters (which are all really funny) and some celebrity stories, and what I learned from those stories to then be successful in future situations (i.e. advice). (I'm a standup comedian, so the celebrity stories are mostly comedians, like Drew Carey, etc.)

So many people tell me "I have a bunch of dating disasters for ya!" I thought, "What the hell? Let 'em tell the stories on a message board. Why should I be the only one to get to vent?" And walah, here is the board.

So, feel free to post away, whatever. Good luck w/the dating!

-Ian

Booger Boy

Anon — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 18:15:06 GMT

I'm too embarrassed to even mention my name on this; plus, I don't want to scare women away!

I have some bad allergies that really act up bad now and again. Once I was getting lucky with a first date. We had just gotten completely undressed and I was kissing her neck (I was on top) when I felt this... well, nasal problem, shall we say? I tried to pull away to get a kleenex near the bed, but she kept holding my head to her every time I tried. I finally had to force her hands away from my head and pulled away for a kleenex. Too late. This long, endless piece of snot ran from my nose down onto her... we'll say stomach but it was higher than that... yeah, it hit the twins. She shrieked, jumped up, got dressed and left. She never returned any of my calls. So close!

Least Romantic Dates?

Susan — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 05:40:44 GMT

WOW!

I get to be the first post! What a great idea for a message board. Lord knows I have enough of these...

What is your least romantic date? A guy once brought me motor oil. That's right. Motor oil. Not flowers. Not candy. Motor oil. I guess that's what happens when you live in a small Indiana town near Kentucky.

Can anyone top that?

Test

Web Host — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 15:51:38 GMT

This is a simple test of the message board.

Quote:

To make sure everything is working.